Pawns and Tools
Welcome Agents and Researchers!
IMPORTANT! READ CAREFULLY!
BY READING, BROWSING, STANDING NEAR, POSSESSING, NOT POSSESSING, THINKING ABOUT OR NOT AGREEING WITH THIS AGREEMENT, YOU AGREE TO THE FOLLOWING TERMS COVERED BY AND NOT COVERED BY THIS AGREEMENT. YOU RECOGNIZE THIS AGREEMENT IS FOR THE SAFETY AND PROTECTION OF ALL FOUNDATION EMPLOYEES. THIS DOCUMENT IS CLASSIFIED SECURITY CLEARANCE LEVEL 2 AND APPLIES TO EMPLOYEES OF ALL CLEARANCES. FAILURE TO COMPLY WITH THIS AGREEMENT IS TREASON PUNISHABLE BY DEMOTION TO D CLASS OR SUMMARY EXECUTION.
1. License grant
Subject to the terms and conditions of this Agreement,
THE FOUNDATION grants THE EMPLOYEE (referred to as ‘you’) a
non-exclusive, revocable, limited license to (a) live
in FOUNDATION FACILITIES, (b) work in FOUNDATION FACILITIES
and (c) obey THE FOUNDATION.
2. License conditions
You may not rent, sell, lease, sublicense, distribute,
assign, copy, give, take, or in any way reassign in
whole or in part THE FOUNDATION, its EQUIPMENT
or any other ﬁxed or free-standing structure residing
within without express orders from THE FOUNDATION.
You may not modify, reverse-engineer, disassemble
or otherwise explore THE FOUNDATION FACILITIES. You do
not have the right to, and may not, not obey THE
You understand THE FOUNDATION, in its sole
discretion, may modify or discontinue your right to
access any of its services or use of FOUNDATION FACILITIES
at any time, and it or its agents may at any
time demote, censure, medicate, ‘brainscrub’, or terminate
You acknowledge and agree THE FOUNDATION has
no obligation to make available to you subsequent
improvements or changes to FOUNDATION FACILITIES.
You acknowledge and agree FOUNDATION RESOURCES are
licensed for your use by THE FOUNDATION. You
acknowledge the FOUNDATION RESOURCES, including all
equipment, content, protocols, software, documentation
and licenses provided to you by THE FOUNDATION
in conjunction with its services, are protected by THE
FOUNDATION’S service ﬁrms, by Agents in service
to THE FOUNDATION and by the threat of summary
4. Content and infringement
You understand that all property of THE FOUNDATION,
including, without limitation, all equipment, articles,
structures, furnishings, graphic or video messages
and all information, text, software, music, sound,
graphics or other materials (‘Content’) made avail-
able or accessible by THE FOUNDATION or THE
FOUNDATION’S service ﬁrms, whether publicly avail-
able or privately transmitted, remain the sole property
of THE FOUNDATION. You understand and agree that
by using FOUNDATION RESOURCES, you may be exposed to
Content that may be offensive, objectionable or lethal
to you. You agree to accept all risks associated with
the use of any Content, including any reliance on the
accuracy, effectiveness or condition of such Content.
Under no circumstances will THE FOUNDATION be
liable for any Content, including, but not limited to,
any errors or omissions in providing any Content, or
for any loss or damage or any number of deaths you
incur by use of any Content.
THE FOUNDATION is not responsible for the
appropriate or inappropropriate use of any Content
by Employees of THE FOUNDATION. Although THE
FOUNDATION makes every effort to provide a safe
living and working environment, you recognize and
accept you are exposed to various security issues.
By accepting this Foundation Agreement you indicate
you understand, acknowledge and agree by living
and working in FOUNDATION FACILITIES and abroad, you
may be subject to various risks, including the
exposure to radiation, anomalous objects, anomalous
being, traitors, deadly pathogens with known cures,
deadly pathogens with no known cures, agents of other
organizations, and you accept all such risk as solely
your risk and responsibility.
5. Your obligations
You represent and warrant you are neither a
anomalous being, anomalous object, outside agent, nor
a traitor, and are obliged to report these to THE
FOUNDATION for registration or termination. If you
uncover any information in connection with the use
of any non-contained SCPs , traitorous activity or
Communist ideologies, you agree to report this
information, including the location of the body or
bodies, directly and immediately to THE FOUNDATION.
If THE FOUNDATION has reasonable grounds to suspect
such information is inaccurate, not current or not
complete, THE FOUNDATION may demote, censure,
medicate, ‘brainscrub’ or terminate you and also pursue
other appropriate remedies. THE FOUNDATION shall use
the information you provide in furtherance of your
subsequent termination as an non-contained SCPs,
a traitor or a Communist.
You agree not to use the FOUNDATION or any Content
or services provided by THE FOUNDATION to conduct any
non-job related meetings or activities or to solicit
the performance of any such meeting or activity.
6. Disclaimer of warranty
YOUR USE OF FOUNDATION RESOURCES AND ANY CONTENT
AVAILABLE THROUGH ITS SERVICE FIRMS IS AT YOUR SOLE
RISK. THE ADMINISTRAION PROVIDES THE FOUNDATION AND
ITS CONTENT ON AN ‘AS IS’ AND ‘AS AVAILABLE’ BASIS
WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS, IMPLIED
OR STATUTORY, INCLUDING WITHOUT LIMITATION ANY IMPLIED
WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR
PURPOSE, TITLE, CUSTOM, TRADE, QUIET ENJOYMENT,
ACCURACY OR TERMINATION.
The above exclusions may not apply in facilities
that do not allow the exclusion of certain implied
warranties. Should you locate such a sector, you
agree to report it at once to THE FOUNDATION for immediate
You may be terminated.
8. Limitation of liability
YOU EXPRESSLY ACKNOWLEDGE AND AGREE IN NO EVENT IS THE
FOUNDATION LIABLE FOR ANY DIRECT, INDIRECT, INCIDENTAL,
SPECIAL, PUNITIVE, CONSEQUENTIAL OR EXEMPLARY DAMAGES
OR OTHER RELIEF ARISING OUT OF, OR RELATED TO, YOUR USE
OR INABILITY TO USE ANY OR ALL OF THE FOUNDATION’S
CONTENTS OR THE FOUNDATION’S SERVICES INCLUDING, WITHOUT
LIMITATION, LOST LUNCHES, LOST LIVES OR LOST LUGGAGE.
Any claim or controversy arising out of or related to
this Agreement, or the products or services THE FOUNDATION
provides or distributes, shall be settled by individual
binding in an appropriate confession booth or Internal
Security interrogation room so all parties may discover
why you believe THE FOUNDATION is wrong.
10. Successor agreements
The terms of this Agreement may change from time to
time. Check with THE FOUNDATION regularly to determine if
material changes have been made. THE FOUNDATION will
prominently post changes at the Administration Central Office,
Security Clearance LEVEL 6, at least 15 minutes prior to
the effective date of the change.
This Agreement, as modiﬁed from time to time as
described above, and including THE FOUNDATION’s
incorporated by reference, sets forth the entire
understanding and agreement between the parties,
excluding the use of Bouncy Bubble Beverage which
is covered under its own agreements, ‘Bouncy Bubble
Beverage By-Laws’ numbered 1 through 4.
- Can’t we get this thing updated? The Cold War has been over for two decades now. – Researcher Carver